The View From

There are frequent moments in my life where I realise I have missed the meaning or instruction somewhere. I need people to be explicit about what it is they want me to do. Otherwise, I miss the hidden meaning. I realised that this morning after a conversation relating to ongoing employment-related shenanigans. This particular person, by the way, gets me more than others, but less than some. Clearly, I missed the instruction on how to do something - because it wasn't there. Despite my self-awareness, I also missed something else in the words. Thanks, dyslexia.

However, in reading a letter I got the other day and after this conversation and in reviewing people's reactions, I am also left with a realisation that people often see what they want to see, not an actual reality. It is this that allows them to make certain assumptions about reactions (like my melt-downs and tantrums when I hit "that" point), or when, for the millionth time, I'm pulled up over my tics. Because I don't look like Rain Man, or rock continually, etc, I'm expected to be "normal" and when I'm not, a lack of understanding means that no matter how many times I explain it, they default to their own assessment of something. So my meltdowns become my being unable to cope. Et cetera, et cetera.

I know, by the way, that a lot of people who also have hidden disabilities struggle with the same attitude of people who have this fixed view in mind: we get it when we sit in those seats on the bus, or dare to have a blue badge and no wheelchair.

God forbid you DO explain something as being something slightly outwith my control: Then you get the "try harder", "leave it at the door" and, mostly, no apology. For the most part, I donunderstand that I can be frustrating at times and when I am a bit stressed, that's when my "normal" face (I've spent a long time watching other people and learning to mimic behaviour I don't actually understand. I play a lot of "roles" in life, otherwise I wouldn't leave the house) falls away. Oh, I also get the whole thing about "shouting" about my "label": In my defence, I wouldn't have to spend continual time explaining that I do this because I'm Neuro-Diverse and on the spectrum if people would accept, listen and maybe try to understand where I am coming from. I wouldn't have to keep bloody repeating myself. I suspect it is an area of lack of knowledge and education and that some people *do* understand if they try a bit, although others sometimes lack the capacity to "get it". Then there are others who cling to their view and misconceptions. Repeatedly. Like the one who kept telling me that "dyslexics can't count", despite my testimony and that of fellow dyslexic professionals that we can.

Today's reflection has been brought to you by my not getting the hidden meaning that I was supposed to do something in a specific form (possibly because it wasn't hinted at). If I'm not clear a further action is required from me, I'm probably not going to do anything.

I'm still wondering what I should do regarding my career: half of me wonders if I should go ahead and apply for another job in a field, despite not getting interview for two others. Tricky.

Have a good day, folks.